Set Limits Clearly and Consistently using the A.C.T. Process

ACT

Acknowledge The Feeling, Wish, Want, Intent Communicate The Limit-Safety Target Alternative-Safe And Acceptable

●  Limits are worded in a way that allows the child to bring him or herself under control.

●  The command “don’t paint the on the wall” places the parent in an enforcer role and does not facilitate the development of the child’s self-control

●  The objective is to respond in such a way that the child is allowed to say “no” to the self.

● The child is thus allowed to respond to stop themselves, and develop responsiblity

Acknowledge the FEELING.

●  “You’re mad”

●  “You are frustrated...”

●“You are really feeling sad right now...“

●“You’re feeling treated unfairly”

● “You’re scared you won’t get that”

Communicate the LIMIT:

● “People for not for hitting”

●  “Hands are not for hitting

● “the door is not for kicking.”

●  “my shirt is not for pulling on.”

Target an ALTERNATIVE (with a choice):

● “You can choose to hit the pillow or rip up the magazine.”

● “You can choose to stomp on the egg cartons or a punch the pillow”

● “You can choose to tell me your anger with your words or choose to have us squeeze our fists tight together”

Once choice is made by the child then reflect their choice:

“When you choose to continue hitting then you choose to___________(consequence or natural result).”

“I can see you have chosen to get a vigorous snuggle (or warm physical contact)”

“When you choose to continue to_______(behavior; hit/scream) then you choose to go to the time-in corner”

REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT!!!

●  If you forget to acknowledge the feeling, GO BACK and recognize it.If you first say, “I am not for hitting, you can decide to hit the pillow or rip up the magazine.” Then say, “I can see you are really angry and feel like hitting but...”

●  After the 3-step process, DON’T discuss.

○  “I know you would like to discuss this some more but I’ve already answered that question and given you the choices.”

○  “I’ve answered that question once (twice) and that’s enough.”

○  If your child asks you a question that you are not prepared to answer (you want to think about it, get more information, talk it over with someone):

○  “I can’t answer that question now because...”

○  I will answer that question for you at (give a specific time)” If your child begins nagging:

○  “If you must have an answer now, the answer will have to be no, so you can choose to wait or choose to have the answer be no.”

Adapted from Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) Treatment Manual: A 10-Session Filial Therapy Model for Training Parents, by Bratton, S., Landreth, G., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S.R. (2006). New York: Routledge.